tiada kata yang mampu saya terjemah
tapi yang nyata saya sunyi apabila dia hilang dari sisi
jika mampu, saya mahu pegang dia di sisi
tapi, yang nyata dia bukan hak milik hakiki

when my finger want to speak..

it was such a virus in my mind lately. a thing that can switch my mood easily. something that always make me feel terrible. and something that drive me crazy.

today, after a talk with somebody that very close to me, i think i had made the decision. but, it still not the final. maybe i'll change it while the time pass me by. i almost know what i want. but, i still need to consider certain things that may leave tattoos in my life IF, i ignore it.

nothing last forever. and maybe this is the only way. as i need to spend money for a very charming dress, as i need to stay awake to finish a very fantastic movie.. i need to sacrifice something to have something. maybe this is the best among the worst. if toad can change into a prince charming. why the worst thing can't be the best? who knows.

i'm posting this entry just to spell out what was playing in my brain. sometimes, it is more easier to spell it out rather than to speak it out.

warm hugs,

honey lemon

"hidup ini kadang-kala membosankan

tapi kita perlu juga teruskan

kita tiada pilihan"

**kata-kata yang saya keluarkan semasa final year. saya masih ingat... bersama roommate.. tensen dengan perangai seorang perempuan hipokrit.. apekah khabar roommate dan perempuan itu?

just wanna be honest for tonight. be honest to myself...
i'm not as cool as i thought. i'm not as good as i thought. i'm not a good daughter either. and i'm not a very good friend. yes.. that's what i am. sometimes, i'm enjoy bitching about others. lying to a friend just because i don't wanna hurt their feelings. trying to control my emotion but i just can't. i'm hurting people. at a point, i was the other woman in somebody's relationship and i know it, but i just don't wanna move.i'm holding inside my feeling. i'm not walk my word. i asked others to be brave, but i'm always be affraid. i'm telling you that i'm fine, but i'm hurt inside.

i just can't state everything in here because i'm not that brave. but yes.. i admit that i'm not as cool as i said, as you think.i'm weak. i'm a loser in many ways. i need a hand that can hold me, bring me back to the right track, to the cool lane, to the brighter world. i need your hand because i've choosed you to be my friends.

mancari jalan keluar

jun 2007 - ditawarkan bekerja sebagai RA dengan gaji yang rendah
- saya terima..syukur

september 2007 - diterima bekerja di sebuah syarikat swasta dengan gaji yang agak lumayan.
jauh beza dengan yang sebelumnya.
- saya terima..syukur

november 2007 - ditawarkan bekerja sebagai RO dengan gaji yang lebih tinggi dari di syarikat
swasta
- saya terima

julai 2008 - diberhentikan kerja kerana grant projek tidak mampu menampung gaji
pegawai

ogos 2008 - ditawarkan kerja sebagai ARO dengan gaji yang lebih rendah
- saya terima..syukur..
- it's better something than nothing.. itu dalam otak saya
- permohonan untuk menyambung master diterima (surat tawaran laku dalam
tempoh setahun)

disember 2008 - projek yang dijalankan telah dikormersialkan menjadi satu syarikat swasta
yang memasarkan product kajian
- alhamdulillah.. saya antara founder terawal
- gaji saya dinaikkan... syukur

jun 2009 - product company kurang mendapat sambutan.. masyarakat kita belum betul-
betul celik IT. masalah untuk kami
- syarikat mengalami masalah kewangan.. pekerja akan diberhentikan secara
berperingkat 80% pekerja akan kehilangan pekerjaan
- saya telah diberikan notis berhenti kerja
- saya akan mendaftar master

julai 2009 - saya diberhentikan

nyata..sehingga kini saya masih belum menemui jalan keluar. apakah yang akan saya lakukan pada bulan julai? saya sendiri tidak tahu... saya masih kaku dan layu memikirkan hal itu..STOP